me and my ms

So I had some tests on Thursday and now I’m just waiting for the results. I had a big needle shoved in my spine. It was really fucking unpleasant. As I lay in my hospital bed coming down from the anaesthetic I had an erection poking straight up propping up the bedsheet. It could have been funny bit it wasn’t. The nurse looked at me like I was a child molester and I felt like jumping out the hospital window. All I can think of is being pushed about in a wheelchair and hating everything, swearing at everyone and just being full of violence and hatred and bitterness. I know my attitude is all wrong and I know I need counselling and I know I need to start being positive or I’ll get even worse but at the moment all I can do is punch walls and hit my spastic trembling hand with a paperweight every time it kicks off.

I get the results in a couple of weeks. I feel like I’m on death row. How can you get fucking MS before you’re even 30? I thought it was an old person’s disease. So fucked off.