Sunday, 23 March 2008

having my say

So I’m having a mid-life crisis I suppose. Is 30 mid-life? Probably in my case no. So I’m having an old-age crisis and I’m fucking furious about it.

Right so as I mentioned I have this friend who has a blog where he talks about his life and it’s only natural I suppose that he sometimes talks about me, and most of what he says I’ve got no problem with but sometimes I think I’m represented badly and if there’s one thing I CANNOT STAND its being misrepresented deep breath……

So I just want to take this opportunity to make a few things clear.

* I did sleep with someone when I was already in a relationship with someone else, yes. I did that. Guilty as charged. But I told my girlfriend about it the very next day. I know that doesn’t excuse it but at least I was decent enough to realise that what I’d done was wrong and that my girlfriend had the right to know the truth. It didn’t even occur to me to lie about it even though I knew I might lose everything.

* I had never been unfaithful before. It’s just not the kind of thing I do. I’m not a fucking monster or anything. Jesus. Why do you make me out to be a monster you fucker.

It fucks me off that I’ve been portrayed as a total shit when in fact Stan can be an utter bastard too. I shall be using this blog to keep that fucker in his place by telling tales when he’s a bastard. Ha! For example, when I told him about having MS he said “I would have expected you to get ME” implying that I am very selfish and although yes I am very selfish, I still think it was a bit of a shitty thing to say.

Bored now. Going to stop and wait for the results and if I never write anything on here again it means

* I haven’t got MS after all and I’m getting on with my life

* I’m too fucking depressed

* I’ve killed myself
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5 comments:

La Bête said...

If you kill yourself, I shall dig you up and shout at you. I shall tell you that I told you that you were a selfish swine and then I shall toss you to one side and wed Patricia. Whether she likes it or not. I shall force her to wed me. It'll be a shotgun wedding, but not in the traditional sense.

Now pull yourself together!

25 March 2008 at 00:19
Cynnie said...

you talk a lot for a dead dude..

one of the symptoms of the ME disease?

25 March 2008 at 15:34
Killashandra said...

You have a right to feel angry and hurt. Let yourself feel it, but also know when to stop and not let it consume you. But you do probably need to vent.

As for Stan, I think he's messed up far more than you have. Yes, you cheated, that was wrong. But sleeping with your best friend's ex (especially without waiting 6 months or so) is also wrong. Maybe they're happy. Maybe Stan painted you as such a mean guy because of his feeling for Patricia, and not because of his judgement of you. In any case, it's obvious he cares about you deeply - so let him look after you. I suggest forcing him to feed you :)

Important thing is not to blame yourself. Get some councelling (esp cognitive behaviour therapy) for any destructive behaviour pattens you notice. Stay around people, reach out to your friends, and don't do anything vengeful! (You'll feel worse afterwards.. well probably)

That's all the advice I can think of at the moment. Hope it helps

Also remember, people have been through this and worse, and they've survived. As will you. Keep fighting!

26 March 2008 at 10:14
overnighteditor said...

Thank you for reminding me why I started blogging.

I have drifted too far.

OE

28 March 2008 at 03:07
Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

wow. living together should be a treat, then. hmm....

26 May 2008 at 16:23

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